Coming Back to Life

I don’t think coming back to life just happens on its own. I think you have to decide—to come back to life, and to choose how you’re going to do it. Make some choices. Set some intentions. And the first and most important one is deciding that you want to come back to life.

Underneath that is the quiet, harder truth: confirming for yourself that you deserve to come back to life.

You don’t have to believe it all the way at first. Coming back to life might be a process where learning to believe you deserve it is part of the journey.

What I know right now is that I don’t want to die. And I don’t want to feel so frozen in grief, so conflicted about where to go from here.

This is also a bit of a provider, heal thyself kind of deal.

I’ve always said I need a therapist who’s been to hell and come back. It doesn’t have to be the same hell, and it doesn’t even have to be the same back. But I need a hell-and-back therapist—because I’m a hell-and-back therapist.

A hell-and-back, and hell-and-back, and hell therapist.

And now I want to come back.

So I’ve made some choices in service of that. I’m coming at it from a few angles—psychedelic-assisted therapy, acupuncture, massage, and an opening to the woo-woo of the universe I’ve always been closed off to. I might only make it as far as woo and not full woo-woo, because your girl is skeptical by nature—but if it makes me feel even a little more connected to Ben? Imma do it.